I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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