It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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