I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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