We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
