shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
