i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
