no, he came in my armpit
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
