Screwed.edu
well I can't set my house on fire every night
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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