mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
