She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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