my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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