i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
