God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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