i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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