dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
