No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
