Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
