your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
