Your face is a jimmy john
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
