i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
