Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
