So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
