Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
