This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
