Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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