I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
