omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
