3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
