if you like me you must not know who I am
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
