so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
