i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
