I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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