I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
