you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
