The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
