I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
