also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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