well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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