He disabled his match.com account in front of me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
we should paint friendship bongs
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