peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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