What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
