Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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