I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When are your genitals available?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
