forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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