I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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