Who did Billy Mays play for?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
