the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
