She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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