You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
