He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
