i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
