I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Say something about gay babies.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
